{ psl: a longbourn christmas }

[moralized]

[ The month of November carried on and the monotony of everyday life was broken up by the visits of Mr. Cartwright, who after being formally invited to Christmas dinner had surprised the elder Bennets by announcing his intention to perform a duet with Miss Bennet at the party. The pair practiced in the formal parlor with the door wide open and even the gossiping servants could find nothing imprudent to pass on. Every time they eavesdropped in, the pair spoke matter-of-factly on things such as tempo, chords, and movements. Mrs. Bennet could not bear to be in the same room as him and no entreaties to either husband or child to cancel this nonsense were given any serious thought. So she spent her days stewing in discontent and speaking on how ill used she was to her sister Mrs. Phillips, who of course told the whole town in her turn.

November faded away into December, and soon Mrs. Bennet was in a frenzy about the coming guests. There were arrangements to be made, arguments to be had, and eventually all was settled that the Bingleys and Darcys (including Georgiana) would all stay at Longbourn. It was a point of pride that Mrs. Bennet had room for all of them to stay comfortably, though it turned out that Miss Darcy would have to share Kitty's room with her. No matter, as the two girls were thick as thieves now and Mary had been spared from giving up her room to the young heiress thanks to Kitty's insistence that this was what Georgiana wanted. Having never had a sister, the young lady was excited to share quarters with someone who had become such a close friend.

The carriages arrived on Christmas Eve and after settling in, resting from the long journey from the last inn, and dressing for the occasion, the families gathered in the parlor to await their final guest as well as the dinner bell. Jane and Elizabeth were resplendent in expensive gowns, and Kitty and Georgiana were not far behind in their own. Mary wore her best gown, which she had worn to Lizzy's wedding. It was a soft green that was light enough that as she examined herself in the mirror she was reminded of Mr. Cartwright's eyes. Kitty insisted on weaving a cream colored ribbon through her hair for her and Mary thought it best not to protest in front of Miss Darcy, who agreed she looked lovely.

Now with all set, Kitty taps a foot upon the carpet and looks towards the door. "Where is this mysterious fellow?" she asks, sounding impatient. In truth, she appears about ready to burst out of her chair. Ever since her arrival home she's seemed different. Not simply more confident in herself and better behaved, but as though she is always on the verge of saying something, but then thinks better of it. Mary can only see it as a good thing that she's thinking before she speaks. ]

I am sure he is almost here.

[ He is not yet at the point of being considered late, as they have not been called to dinner. And Mary wonders to herself if this is Kitty eager to see a gentleman bachelor. The thought worries her a little. But Mr. Cartwright is a sensible man who does not flirt or gives consequence to those he feels is unworthy of his attentions. Perhaps Mary is being a bit harsh on her sister, or perhaps jealousy is rearing its ugly head again. ]

Comments

[enswathe]

( his smirk softens to a smile, matching miss bennet's radiance. he bows his head, silently acknowledging her permission to assume the role of an audience member at her next performance. although the party's attention has been diverted by the news of miss kitty's engagement, atticus keeps his voice low. ) And I shall return Longbourn to your mother. She will be delighted to leave the sanctuary of her chambers without fear of being affronted by my presence.

( as they have performed their duet, there will no longer be any need for atticus to frequent longbourn so often. his visits will return to their biweekly or monthly schedule, and that will be when he feels the need to call upon mr. bennet to discuss a book or an article in the newspaper. as a bachelor with no ambition for marriage, it would be improper to call upon a single lady so often, and she can visit him at avalon without a chaperone. atticus does not want to damage miss bennet's reputation and eligibility any further, so any chats between the two will have to be spontaneous or planned during his occasional visits to longbourn.

miss darcy sits in the chair next to them. a glow radiates from her expression, probably from the joy of her dear friend's engagement. "aren't weddings marvellous, mr. cartwright?"

frankly, he does not think weddings are marvellous. they are lengthy, ostentatious, and shallow productions that only serve to flaunt one's wealth and status, not the love and commitment between two people before god. atticus has attended several weddings, and it was several too many. he shall count himself fortunate if he can avoid ever attending another. however, despite his opinion on the matter, his countenance remains complimentary to miss darcy's opinion. ) Do you think so?

( miss darcy smiles, unable and unwilling to stop it from spreading across her face. even though miss bennet is also sitting with them and would be happy to partake in conversation, she is more interested in speaking only with mr. cartwright and hearing his opinion. "oh, most certainly. my brother's wedding last year was just grand. and i know kitty's wedding will be as well. mr. hamilton is a clergyman, you see."

from his days as a young child attending church to trinity college to considering the ship's priest as something closer than a friend, atticus has known many clergymen. and something they've all possessed is a sort of simplicity that allows them to engage in the drudgery of the community tittle-tattle and regurgitate the lessons of the church without question. but, perhaps he is being too unkind towards miss kitty's betrothed. the ranks of the church of england are now being filled by a new generation shaped by rationalism, revolution, natural sin, and an abhorrence of ceremony and ritual.

his eyebrow raises. ) So, he will officiate the wedding himself, then?

( miss darcy laughs, drawing a glance by her brother from across the room. "no, mr. ainsworth will perform the ceremony. he is the vicar of our parish, but he is retiring soon and mr. hamilton will replace him."

atticus glances towards miss bennet, determined to draw her into the conversation if only to alleviate the burden of feigning interest in this tedious wedding business. ) Your cousin is a clergyman as well, is he not? Was he the officiant at any of your sisters' weddings?

[moralized]

[ The reminder that soon the household will be without his frequent presence dims Mary's smile somewhat. Of course it must be so, but she recognizes it as a great loss. Nothing can make her give up her newfound appreciation of playing music for the beautiful sound it produces and she will continue on with this new outlook. That doesn't mean she doesn't feel a bit of sadness at the loss.

As Miss Darcy presses him for his opinion, Mary can already recount memories of things he's said to her during their time together. Little encouragements or honest opinions that he was sure would set her on the right path to success. She can't recall another being who has had the faith in her that he has, and it is a sad reminder that she has no confidantes or deep, sisterly bonds. She has always enjoyed her own company and so it must be so again. It is only unfortunate that for a brief time she knew what that sensation of trust felt like.

Mr. Cartwright's voice draws her from her thoughts and she looks over with a mildly surprised expression. ]

Mr. Collins. Yes, he is but he did not officiate any of theirs. My sisters were married from this house and so our local vicar performed the ceremony. And Lydia- [ There is a moment's hesitation as her marriage is not something the family chooses to discuss. ] -was wed in London.

[ Across from them, Miss Darcy looks down at her dress and picks at one of the flowers embroidered on the muslin. Despite her brother's best efforts, it could not be hidden forever that Elizabeth's sister had married Mr. Wickham. She knows now that he is the worst kind of man, but the betrayal of someone she once thought she could trust still wounds her to this day.

Mary struggles to move the topic away from Lydia and as Mr. Collins has been brought up, she starts to speak of him. ]

Mr. Collins dwells in Kent, and his-

[ A loud voice from the hall stops her and everyone else in the room as it reverberates off the walls in a way that is all too familiar to the Bennets.

"La! I shall go in as I please!" The door bursts open and Lydia Wickham, heavy with child, stands before them as a flustered footman stands awkwardly behind her, having failed in his attempt to get her to stay while he hoped to quietly inform Mr. Bennet. Lydia beams and throws her arms into the air. "Mamma! I am home for Christmas and look at me! I am so fat!"

Mrs Bennet squeals in delight at having her favorite child before her again when she thought it unlikely she would see her for some time. Mr. Darcy has gotten to his feet and moved swiftly to the door in an effort to see if Wickham is in the hall or if she's come alone. He wishes to shield his sister from any unpleasant reunion if he can. The rest of the family's faces are various shades of red or white, depending if they're embarrassed or shocked at Lydia's sudden appearance. Mary is the latter and her eyes widen as she can only imagine what Mr. Cartwright will take away from this display.

Lydia and Mrs. Bennet are both talking rapidly over the other but that doesn't seem to be good enough for Lydia as she quickly turns towards the others in the room, asking them what they think of her huge belly and other inappropriate questions. Kitty looks like she's about to cry at having her moment usurped by her younger sister, Jane looks uncertain what to say, and Elizabeth looks like she can barely restrain herself from pulling Lydia from the room. Mr. Bennet looks close to the same.

And then to Mary's utter embarrassment, Lydia's eyes fall on Mr. Cartwright.

"Oh, who are you in the fancy waistcoat? Are you a gentleman?" ]

[enswathe]

( before him is a comedy. if this scene were set on a stage, the audience would erupt in a paroxysm of hysterics with the punchline being god almighty himself making an appearance to overshadow everyone's accomplishments. alas, it is not appropriate to deem it a comedy when friends and feelings are in it. atticus wishes to laugh; indeed, he is trying not to and succeeds by placing his hand over his mouth. any reaction would only cause further mortification. so what does he think then? he shall call the scene before him a tragicomedy.

when mrs. wickham sets her sights on him, atticus is already moving to stand, and just as she finishes speaking, he steps before her and bows. the brief time between standing and meeting mrs. wickham calms him even as the tension in the room builds. each member of the party is frozen in their seat, either from discomfort or a great deal of restraint, and none know how mr. cartwright will respond. mrs. wickham's behaviour is an embarrassment to the family.

but atticus has known people like her before. he compares them to a fire: they consume all the oxygen in a room to make themselves greater. all they seek is attention and will burn everything to attain it. however, like a fire, the way to extinguish them is by withholding oxygen. without attention, they move on. mrs. bennet is the sort but at least she can be tempered by her husband on occasion. and perhaps it is because of her that mrs. wickham is the same. or perhaps it's merely her nature. in any case, atticus cannot place the entire blame on the bennet father or daughters as they do not act the same. mrs. wickham and her mother appear to be the outliers. )

Mrs. Wickham. ( he does appear the embodiment of a gentleman with his shoulders set back and his posture straight as he stares down at her. nothing in his voice or countenance betrays approval or censure. he speaks to her as if she is a servant or a stranger on the street — less than as he usually smiles at servants and strangers. ) I have heard much about you. I wish you and your unborn child health and happiness.

( the uneasiness in the room slackens from mr. cartwright's magnanimity. but it flares up again as voices filter from the foyer through the cracked door; one familiar to atticus and one not, but both harsh in tone. it must be mr. darcy speaking to mr. wickham. as much as atticus thinks he should make a great display by congratulating miss kitty on her engagement, he decides he should return to miss darcy and miss bennet before either of the wickhams set their attention on them. at least miss kitty is engaged and won't be harassed for not being so. )

Pardon me. ( he bows and promptly returns to the sofa and the conversation as if there wasn't an interruption at all. he looks at miss darcy and now gives himself permission to smile. ) And your aunt is Mr. Collins' patroness? What a coincidence.

( if he can help it, atticus does not intend to give any further oxygen to the fire. )

[moralized]

[ Lydia preens at the attention but it disappears all too quickly and the arguing in the hallway refocuses her attention anyway so Mr. Cartwright is free from any further investigation on Lydia's part. Instead she saunters back towards her mother as Lizzie leaves her chair and slips out of the room, keeping the amount she opens the door as small as possible lest anyone see who they already know is out there. Miss Darcy looks almost alarmed at being addressed, but as it's Mr. Cartwright returning to the conversation and not Mrs. Wickham speaking to her she finds herself able to respond with a very soft "Yes." Her countenance has of course changed on hearing that voice in the hall and she finds it hard to continue speaking for the moment.

Without knowing the particulars, Mary can only assume that Georgiana is disappointed in the man Wickham has become after knowing him her whole life. It doesn't surprise her that it can leave one unable to focus on pleasantries, and so Mary takes the opportunity to speak on Miss Darcy's behalf. ]

Yes; Lady Catherine.

[ Lydia flops into the chair that Lizzie vacated, sighing aloud and she stretches out her legs and starts to complain to her mother about how dreadful it is to travel while with child, but a sudden door slam from the hallway causes her to flinch. All is silent for a moment until the door opens and Mr. Darcy ushers Lizzie back into the room. Both are grim faced and say nothing and when Lizzie sees her chair has been usurped she looks for another before her husband gestures for her to take his and he stands behind it.

"I believe we left off speaking of Mr. Hamilton, yes?" he asks, addressing the room at large. Lydia, who has managed to stay silent for more than two seconds suddenly looks about her.

"Oh? And who is Mr. Hamilton?"

As Kitty cautiously reveals her engagement, Mary tries to muster something to speak of that can hopefully dispel the miasma that has seemed to settle over them. Gently, she asks: ]

Have you ever played for your aunt, Miss Darcy?

[enswathe]

( merely mentioning mr. hamilton puts miss kitty at ease and she begins describing her betrothed; her mouth curls ever so gently upwards like a sunflower towards the sun. but upon disclosure of his profession, mrs. wickham groans, "how drab!" and miss kitty's expression dims like a cloud passing in front of the sun as her sister discusses her husband's numerous accomplishments in the militia. they would be impressive if it weren't for the fact that his commission in the militia was bought by mr. darcy, who remains grim-faced behind his wife.

despite mr. wickham being spoken about, miss darcy responds, but softly though like she is still trying to compose herself again. it is unfair how a lovely evening as this could turn so terribly within only a few moments. "yes. my aunt is a great enjoyer of music. few people in england can make such a claim, but, truly, no one else but lady catherine can."

such a bold claim and one that atticus has a difficult time believing already, but then mrs. darcy smiles, and her fine eyes shine with amusement when she looks in their direction. that is enough to know that lady catherine may say such things, but they are not to be trusted.

"i should dearly love to play for you someday, mr. cartwright. i must think you are also a great enjoyer of music." )

Someday, why not now? Come. I insist. ( atticus insists so because it would muffle mrs. wickham's boasting. maybe even silence her but he doubts they would be so fortunate. it would also liven everyone's spirits that have fallen so low since the appearance of their guests.

a light blush dusts miss darcy's cheeks. "if you wish, sir. will you join me? i cannot play with no one to turn the page." while turning the pages for miss bennet, she recalls seeing other pieces by mozart on the music rack: two piano sonatas, no. 16 and no. 18. surely, miss bennet wouldn't be offended if she plays one for mr. cartwright? no, of course not because they both play so beautifully but so differently that miss bennet's performance would be unlike hers. )

Would that not defeat the object? I could not watch and admire your performance then. ( atticus smiles. ) Miss Bennet, you should join her. The only sight better than one pretty lady at the pianoforte is two.

( and then the two remaining single ladies in the room will be preoccupied enough that mrs. wickham cannot harass them. )

[moralized]

[ Jealousy shoots through Mary when Miss Darcy offers to play for the gentleman. She wishes it weren't so and that she could be rational, but despite telling herself to be so it proves difficult. She has just resigned herself to having to listen to the far superior performer before things are turned on its head by Mr. Cartwright's words. It has nothing to do with him offering her as a page turner, for such would only be a fair exchange after Miss Darcy did it for Mary. No, this is the use of the word "pretty" in relation to herself. Her head snaps over to look at him - sure he's mocking her - as that word has never been used in a sentence about her unless the words "is not" precede it. Could he have meant it as a compliment to Miss Darcy but felt he had no choice but to include Mary?

Rising to her feet, she stares at him as if waiting for him to burst out laughing at her expense. She appears confused and anxious as to what he could mean by such a thing. No doubt a simple compliment, but one that pains her for she knows quite well it is not true.

Miss Darcy stands as well and the two move to the pianoforte where the younger lady looks between the two pieces and asks for Mary's opinion. If only she could focus on what was before her instead of what she just left on the sofa, she might be able to offer more than tapping No. 16 and letting that be the end of it. The ladies sit and Georgiana begins while Mary has to force herself to read the music because it wouldn't do to not turn the page at the proper time.

Pretty? Her? No, it is not so. He was saying it for Miss Darcy's benefit. But then could he have not worded it differently?

Miss Darcy looks briefly at Mary and the movement is enough to snap her out of her thoughts to realize she's only a few notes from the bottom of the page and she still has her hand in her lap. Quickly she reaches out a takes the edge, turning it and smoothing it down before there needs to be any pause. Now she truly forces herself to focus.

Predictably, Lydia is not going to let music stop her from chatting, but in her thoughtlessness she mentions the trip Mr. Wickham took to the betting tables the night before and how now he refuses to tell her how much pocket money he has left.

"He promised to buy me a new bonnet in Meryton," she declares, waiting for Kitty to look jealous at the news. However, her sister looks unmoved by this revelation. ]

[enswathe]

( his eyes, shining with amusement like dewy grass in the early morning, catch miss bennet's brown eyes, flat and likely unamused with his scheme. but she will forgive him soon enough now that she is away from her sister's whinging. all of what has flowed from mrs. wickham's mouth is either bluster or a lament. her ability to maintain confidence despite her circumstances and lack of support is impressive.

meanwhile, miss darcy's skills at the pianoforte are truly impressive. the way she can easily play through mozart's piano sonata no. 16 is remarkable. it would not take much effort on her part to amaze a theatre full of people. that would be if she became determined to engage in the pianoforte as a profession, but atticus doubts that she would. for all her sense and grace, miss darcy lacks the defining trait needed for the world outside her sphere: independence. by that, meaning the self-sufficiency to build oneself up and the apathy to ignore opinions designed to tear one down. in many ways, miss darcy is still a girl — even now, her gaze flits from atticus's to her brother's as if she's seeking assurance or praise. it is a thought he never wanted to waste time entertaining, much less now when he should be enjoying and assessing her performance.

less than ten minutes later, miss darcy finishes the piece without any obvious errors and mrs. wickham finishes her grievance without any substance. when the room claps, they clap for miss darcy, not for mrs. wickham. and lest he forget miss bennet's skills at turning the page at the right moment. she performed her part well.

"you played very well, miss darcy. although the piece was a bit dry for my taste," mrs. wickham says, full of the gaucheness that so defines her. miss darcy forces a smile as she murmurs appreciation for the compliment and moves to rejoin atticus on the sofa. mr. darcy, who relaxed during his sister's performance, grounds his jaw while his wife grimaces. either from habit or willfully, the others appear to ignore mrs. wickham and converse amongst themselves.

atticus glances at mrs. wickham and shoots her a question intended to make her look foolish. not that she needs the help ) Do you play, Mrs. Wickham?

( she looks at him, smiling. "lord no. i have neither the temper or desire for it." )

Yes ( he agrees, nodding absentmindedly. )

[moralized]

[ It is clear that Miss Darcy is the superior musician present here tonight. Oddly enough, though Mary wishes to possess that amount of ease with new music, she cannot be upset at Miss Darcy for it. She was given proper instruction - the best money could buy, no doubt - while Mary never had any support at all. She and Lizzie had taught themselves, though the latter only ever did it for her own amusement and not for the challenge. And because of that difference Mary can be proud of herself for how far she's come.

Returning to the sofa to see Miss Darcy neatly slide into her former seat, she wishes she could be jealous of her performance because it would be so much simpler than being jealous about how the young lady seeks out Mr. Cartwright's attention. With no other choice, she seats herself in the chair Miss Darcy had previously taken and the conversation is quickly continued by Lydia.

"I have never given two straws about music, unless it is to dance with a handsome officer! I could never stand that droll nonsense Mary always used to play so badly!" Eyeing Mr. Bingley she suddenly addresses him directly. "Do you remember what a horrible performance she had at your ball? Lord, I laughed like anything and Papa had to make her stop before everyone's ears started to bleed."

That old wound reopening has Mary shutting her eyes and wishing this was all a nightmare. It had taken time and self reflection to come to terms with her behavior that day. But not only that, it was the day her father embarrassed her more than she had ever thought possible. To this day, she still is not sure if she deserved such public censure, but it pains her nonetheless.

The family reacts as one might expect to this dredging up of old events. Mr. Bingley gives a brief nod but says nothing while Jane looks ready to cry on Mary's behalf. Mr. Bennet pinches at the bridge of his nose, Kitty looks everywhere in the room that isn't eye contact with another person, and Mrs. Bennet merely chuckles along with her favorite daughter's reminiscing. After a brief glance of concern Mary's way, Elizabeth turns to her mother and quickly says: "You have not changed the decor in this room since last I was here. Did you not say you wished to change the upholstery?" Delighted at the conversation turning to a subject she could speak on for ages, Mrs. Bennet explains all her grand plans for the space as the mood in the room slowly stabilizes.

For her part, Mary remains silent with eyes shut as her lashes turn wet. Miss Darcy looks with worry at Mr. Cartwright, like she feels perhaps they should aid her somehow, but she doesn't wish to overstep her bounds. ]

[enswathe]

( the pounding of his heart deafens him, but he was able to catch what mrs. wickham spat out well enough. atticus rubs his ear and his fingers curl into the palm of his hand. miss bennet's tears glisten in the dim light when he peers at her and he takes in a couple of calming breaths so he does not stand up and demand an apology from mrs. wickham. his eyes shift across the room, and the realisation comes to him at once that no one will speak in miss bennet's defence. they are all content to keep the peace under the guise of propriety when it is evident that this brings peace to no one. from what he has heard, it should not be surprising, but it's unacceptable nonetheless. fools, the lot of them. they share the blame for the humiliation mrs. wickham has brought upon miss bennet. no matter how much guilt they experience and how many tears they spill, they are just as cruel as mrs. wickham — nay, more so. because they do not have the excuse to claim witlessness as she does.

but it is not his place to say something. as much as he'd desire to stand up and call out their hypocrisy. anyways, would that help miss bennet? he worries it would only worsen her mood, and he cares more for her than for his anger. but if he cannot reveal his true feelings, what other option is there? distraction, which is what mrs. darcy chooses as she tries to engage her mother in another topic. but, although that may also pull mrs. wickham's attention, it does not dry miss bennet's tears and mend her hurt feelings. there is, however, a third option which combines the previous two.

a cold fierceness enters his gaze as he regards mrs. wickham. his voice is calm and still like the air before a tornado. ) Yet Miss Bennet performed wonderfully tonight. That should be commented upon; not one of long ago. Anyways, I believe, whether a performance is good or bad, it should be commended. For what other arena is there where one offers themselves and their soul for judgement? It should inspire us all to do better and try the same. ( his composure breaks a little as a wicked idea appears in his mind. )

In fact... ( trailing off, he stands and walks towards the pianoforte, confident in his step and expression. his violin rests atop the instrument but instead of picking that up to play, he sits down at the pianoforte. everyone watches him and holds their breath. if mr. cartwright is so talented on the violin, he must also possess some skill for the pianoforte, right?

he begins and his fingers, which are elegant on the violin, are awkward and uncertain across the ivory keys as he plays the opening chords. and then he sings, and it becomes immediately apparent that his voice is out of tune and rhythm, and will remain so for the entire song. it hardly takes any effort on his part. atticus is a violin virtuoso, but singing and the pianoforte are beyond his talents. it's a tale of two songs — the tune is the harpsichord portion of a vivaldi concerto, while the lyrics are a scottish drinking song about a man, a woman, and the sea. mrs. bennet and mrs. wickham burst into laughter when atticus pitches his off-key voice higher for the woman's verses while the others cringe. but they seem to understand his reasoning for this spectacle and tamper their grimaces during his performance.

when he finishes a blessedly two minutes later, everyone claps, most not for the music but out of gratitude for the gesture. mrs. wickham brays that it was a horrid performance and mrs. bennet vigorously nods in agreement. "much worse than mary's, good lord," mrs wickham mutters.

atticus bows and returns to his seat, still confident in his step and expression. he takes comfort in knowing that, despite what he did, he is not the greatest fool in the room. fortunately, by the time he sits back down, mrs. wickham's attentions have turned elsewhere and she and her mother are prattling on about some inane subject. the latest fashions from paris or whatever. the others have also moved on to other topics.

"that was um..." miss darcy stops and shifts in her seat, trying to think of a polite way to describe what happened. "an entertaining performance, mr. cartwright."

the corner of his mouth curls into a slight smile. ) That's very kind of you to say. Thank you. But I admit my skills on the pianoforte are lacking. Perhaps after the new year, Miss Bennet can provide some instruction. ( his smile widens when he looks at miss bennet. ) If you think me worthy of your time, that is. ( a chuckle bubbles in his words. )

[moralized]

[ In her youth, Mary was often too naive to take note of when she was being slighted, and as her mind matured and she became aware of it the effect was a sort of hardening of her heart. She convinced herself that she was better off without others in her orbit, for they hadn't reached her superior level of intellect and clearly had no desire to do so. She comforted herself with the idea that beauty faded quickly but the faculties of the mind endured far longer. But since her sisters' marriages there has come a thaw to Mary. Tentatively, like a late blooming flower has she been reaching outwards and upwards, towards the sun. Tonight she felt wonderful in her performance and her family's reaction was one she hadn't realized she could cherish. She hadn't believed she needed their praise, but it touched her heart regardless.

And then Lydia had arrived and it's a reminder of past hurts. A few years ago Mary probably would have attempted to think up an intelligent response. Something about Lydia being uncultured and unaware of the subtleties of the musical world. However, Lydia spoke truth in saying their father had had to make Mary stop playing and she would have no retort to such a sting. And so she sits with eyes shut as she tries to calm her soft heart. Trying to remember how to harden herself as she has before almost works until Mr. Cartwright's voice breaks through and her eyes fly open in utter surprise.

His movement to the pianoforte is followed with red-rimmed eyes as he seats himself and begins. What he produces is fumbling and poorly done right away and Mary exchanges a look with Miss Darcy as neither lady understands at first what he's doing. But when Mrs. Bennet and Lydia start cackling at his performance, she realizes this is for her benefit: a diversion from the cruel memories of her not so distant past. And the fact that he's making an absolute fool of himself causes a true smile to spread across her face. Mary doesn't outright laugh, but she's utterly diverted from her previous woes and finds she enjoys his silly antics. Naturally she does have moments where she cringes at a badly hit high note but it doesn't escape her notice how he doesn't care a wit how he'll be perceived for this. He lives his life with such freedom in all he does and says. As the song comes to an end and everyone claps, Mary feels a fluttering inside her the likes of which she's never felt before. It feels like an entire field's worth of butterflies are rapidly beating their wings inside of her.

By the time he addresses her, Mary has managed to compose herself and answer. ]

You jest, but I would instruct you if you were serious. Even that display is not enough for me to deem you hopeless. Besides, we both know you have a great deal of talent and your understanding of music means you could learn other instruments if your interest were to lie that way.

[ She very much doubts he will wish to, as a man has little need to pick up the pianoforte, but the image of them seated together at the instrument as she teaches him does enter her mind. ]

[enswathe]

( at the sight of miss bennet's smile, atticus relaxes into the plush silk cushions of the sofa. if her mood had remained as before, he would have been forced to undertake more serious measures. what exactly is a question neither he nor anyone else will have to contemplate? perhaps he could've told a story from his travels. although he keeps his stories to paper and under a pseudonym, atticus is a talented raconteur even when speaking. perhaps miss bennet's continued unhappiness would have been justification enough to condemn mrs. wickham with sharper words. but that did not come to pass so there is little value in surmising about it. within the next few days, the wickhams will depart for newcastle and meryton will be free of their foulness once more. after that, if atticus still feels compelled, he will speak to mr. bennet about his daughter's behaviour, though he doubts it will do much good. if the scandal did not change his conduct then nothing will.

but, again, none of this has come to pass so there is little value in surmising about it. miss bennet and the atmosphere of the room is cheerful again.

atticus laughs. ) No, I am content to deprive the world of my genius. All here ( he gestures around the room with a flick of his wrist. ) should consider themselves fortunate to have heard it, for none shall again. No, no. I will leave the pianoforte and singing to the two of you.

( "but you have not heard either of us sing. how can you be so certain that we are able? or, indeed, would even want to?" miss darcy asks, her hands fidgeting in her lap as she tries to keep up with his teasing. )

With speaking voices so clear and lovely, your singing must also be so. I beg you not to disappoint me by suggesting otherwise, Miss Darcy. ( he turns to miss bennet, a mock frown pulling at his features. ) Come, Miss Bennet. We are friends, are we not? Don't be cruel to either of us and deny these claims.

[moralized]

[ His compliments do not seem to be in jest and after what he said to her before she accompanied Miss Darcy to the pianoforte, Mary is a bit at a loss to understand him. He thinks her pretty and in possession of a lovely singing voice? ]

This is too much praise, sir. I believe it possible that a singing voice can be flawed and the range at which one might sing is different than when one speaks. All I can say for myself is that I no longer sing when I perform, and I ask not to be persuaded otherwise. It is not false modesty on my part, but a genuine request to not be asked... by my friend.

[ The words come out far more easily than they once would have, when she would have tried to quickly plot out her words like the locations on a map towards her destination. These days her thoughts align more naturally instead of her needing to add a multitude of impressive adjectives to her speeches. ]

[enswathe]

( he is not one given to false flatteries. but, indeed, atticus would contend that what he expresses are not compliments but facts. miss darcy and miss bennet are pretty and possess lovely speaking voices. praise, yes; factual, yes, but in the same way as a sunrise. a sunrise being pretty is an indisputable fact. just so for what he says to the ladies about their loveliness. atticus is of the belief that when one is in the presence of beauty — whether it be nature or human — it should be commented upon because it's fleeting, like footprints on the shore.

a chuckle catches in his throat, and he laughs again. ) I would never request such a thing that could provoke anxiety in anyone: friend or foe. Anyways, you have proven your talents enough on the pianoforte that you need not resort to singing. Likewise, I believe I have proven similarly for myself.

( miss bennet is not one given to false modesty, so he will trust that she is speaking honestly.

"i have been fortunate in that i have received vocal instructions for some time, but i still find myself too overcome with nerves to sing in front of others." miss darcy blushes. even in front of a small audience. and, like miss bennet, i too do not wish ever to do so." although it could be said that she is mimicking miss bennet, miss darcy is honest in her words. as a creature prone to shyness, she prefers to exhibit in front of others talents that she is confident of her abilities. miss darcy can only bare so much of her soul at one time.

atticus taps his fingers against the wooden armrest in a sign of approval. ) Hear, hear, Miss Darcy. Live a life as unrestrained of worry and anxiety as possible. That is what I say.

( and that is also how atticus endeavours to live his life — with little anxiety and concern for others' opinions. it has served him well over the past few years. now he can say with all honesty that he does not know why he allowed himself to be so scared and worried in his previous life. why? he did not care for those people's opinions nor did he even like them. so why bury oneself in anxiety for those who also didn't care or like him? no, no. life is too brief to do that. )

[moralized]

[ Mary wishes her excuse could be nerves and not a lack of talent at singing. But she gives a slight nod of her head in understanding towards Miss Darcy nonetheless. Something tells her that should the young lady ever try, she would dazzle the room the way she does with her musical skill. ]

Mr. Cartwright has a very wise view on things. I agree that to constantly consider how others view you and trying to be favorable to them causes little but an inconvenience to one's self. I took inspiration from him in choosing to stop worrying about it.

[ Her eyes linger on the man and there is clear admiration written there that Miss Darcy reads perfectly clear. Her expression in response to seeing it is mildly troubled, but she struggles to reply and in the silence Lydia yawns loudly and declares that she will go to bed until her dear Wickham returns. There is a bit of a panic on Mrs. Bennet's part as she's arranged the bedrooms so perfectly and now there is an extra guest. After looking around at each member, she finally says: "You will stay in Mary's room with her!" Both Mary and Lydia balk at the idea, though Mary does so only in her head as her face pales and Lydia groans loudly and declares she will not. There is a bit of arguing between mother and daughter before Mr. Bennet stands, glad to get out of the room with all this socialization and says, "My dear Mrs. Bennet, I can think of no better spot for your favorite child than your own apartment. Come now! Everyone to bed."

He doesn't have to say it twice. Everyone stands, ready to file out of the room and Mr. Bennet approaches Mr. Cartwright to shake his hand and thank him for coming. ]